So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i dont even know how to be here
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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