Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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