imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
