Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
