also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
