Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
