I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
