whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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