Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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