2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
