I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
