It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
