Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
