Im at strip club and am horny
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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