I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
How's work?
Spinning.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
