Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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