I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You smell like stripper and shame
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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