Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
