No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
