..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
