I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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