At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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