I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
