I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
