You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
