he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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