I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
