I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We left the knife in your bed.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize