i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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