Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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