Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
