i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
