If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
