and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
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i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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