there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
