Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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