weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
