so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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