yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize