If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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