I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Sorry about my life...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
