He had one of those small greek statue penises
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Is Oprah even human
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
