Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
