bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Is it penis luge time yet?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
