I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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