Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
