turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
