just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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