That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
