ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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