seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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