Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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