omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
