How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
