im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
