I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
