what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
