if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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