I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So squirting runs in the family.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
