Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Randomize
