He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
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He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
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That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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