I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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