was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
