I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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