Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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