i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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